| | Alive...and somewhat well. I think it's safe to say my brain has been
on turmoil mode for the past week or so. Maybe month, who knows. Inner
turmoil...really. I am a stickler for timing, and making the right
choice. The one that I believe will give me the best outcome. Impulse
is not a strong part of my character...up until lately.
Mindless...really. I hate it...but not when I'm doing it. It's like
this huge clash of the Titans in my head. Do the right fucking thing
vs. you only live once. My actions have been the "you only live once"
type. And my day to day life? I isolate myself and get caught up in
books and music and painting and riding...and I say I'm not
bored...because I'm not, I'm lonely. A part of me is really hating this
trend I've fallen into...but at the same time, I feel liberated. And
that's always good. But I want to feel liberated...and ok with the
choices that I make. I'm not going to be sad...because that's
surrender. While it haunts me...I've become the master of putting on a
good face. Because things really are black and white...and I spend too
much time caught up in the gray. There are times where I have to pick
my head up (because nobody does it for me) and assure myself I have a
lot to offer...and dammit, I don't deserve most of the crap I put
myself through.
I need a bridge in this city of rivers
I need a bridge to run across with my face wide open
Nothing held back in my heart
It could be wide enough for two
It could be wide enough for you
I will be waiting for you
On the other side
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| | Posted 6/19/2008 12:27 AM - 6 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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